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Sigh…. Been wanting to write something since earlier tonight… but I ended up having some talks with one person to another, not to mention I been thinking what way can I explain my situation. It’s now quarter to one, now here I go…

I got back from Teluk Intan after a Drill Seminar last weekend (June 28-July1). Had a fantastic time, will blog about it another time. From then I thought that was the climax of my holidays and the rest is just nice days of rest… till she came and surprise me!!

Chui Lee lah… for the longest time I thought she was still in Australia, getting ready for Sydney to further her studies, but nooooo…. turns out she’s been here for nearly two weeks and only now she comes to visit. You know she could’ve actually stayed hidden from me and I would not know a thing about her being here. So I guess I should be thankful that she loves enough to show her face instead of ignoring me entirely.

These two events actually gave me epiphanies, and views of life that may be. In Teluk Intan I discovered I have a knack for teaching. I’m not scared of crowds, I love participating with others, I have a passion in involving myself and helping others grow fromm one stage of life to another. It was confirmed from then onwards I wanted to become a teacher or some sort. Now the other three who were with me (Eunice, Ian and Xin Wei) had no idea that I was thinking and praying about it day in and day out.

You see, in the church where I gave the seminar, they have this magnificent sanctuary. It’s not like paved with gold or anything. It was plain white marble tiled floor, white wash wall with plain glass windows, a large cross and Bible on the front wall. As it is a Methodist establishment, the pulpit is on a stage, two chairs at the side of it (one for the preacher, the other for the lay-chairman). In front of the stage were kneelers, where people would kneel in front of the cross to either receive communion on some Sundays, or have a moment for ministering and prayer. Oh, and hanging on the front of the pulpit, was a banner of a dove with words at the bottom saying “Holy Spirit, fill this place”.

Now most of the time I don’t tend to step foot into the sanctuary as I didn’t wish to treat it like my private prayer room. Plus, we (E,I and XW) had a room for ourselves and we do have quiet time at night. But, this sanctuary was different, I had the urge to just kneel there and pray. So whenever I could, I would go to the sanctuary, kneel on the kneeler, face the cross and Bible at the inner sanctum, and prayed. I prayed “God, what is it here You wish to speak to me? Why have You called me here?” Then the Bible became more enticing. So I stepped towards it; it was opened to the book of Isaiah Chapter 13, and as I read down to verse 19, it said:

“ 19For the people shall dwell in Zion at Jerusalem: thou shalt weep no more: he will be very gracious unto thee at the voice of thy cry; when he shall hear it, he will answer thee.

20And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity, and the water of affliction, yet shall not thy teachers be removed into a corner any more, but thine eyes shall see thy teachers:

21And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left.

The word teacher stuck out to me the most. It was saying that no matter how high in knowledge a person can attain, there will always be a need of a teacher. I was pondering and pondering. Do I need a teacher? Am I to go to a teacher? Or am I to become a teacher? After much prayer and intercession, I thought, “I’ll BE a teacher.” I went back to my mom and dad and told them. They said they knew that it would’ve been a possibility, so they advised me that after my degree I will go and get my Teaching Degree and become a teacher.

The best things about being a teacher is that you’ll never go hungry thought you wont eat like kings, you’ll always have time for family, and you’ll have time for youth ministry, as when it’s my holidays, it’s their holidays. So I thought, Jesus wouldn’t it be perfect. So I leave the idea to God.

This is just the church bit.

Although the Chui Lee fellowship was the one that gave the spark, it was recently while spending time with Glorie and the usual gang got me thinking about the future. We were talking about relationships, marriage, career and life. And as I gave my ideas, I hear theirs, and all I can say is that I’ll be very much humbled next to them in the future.

Glorie hopes to make it big, Daniel aims to do well in hospitality, and Ben is very into sports management. Then I recall Mark Leong wanting to perhaps be a gym instructor/manager, Tseng Yang wanting to establish his millions by 30yrs old, and all I can think was “Gee, beside them, my dreams seem rather small”. That’s a lie of course; I hope to change lives, share the gospel to the lost in KL, I want Malaysia to be the most evangelistic country in Asia. I want the generations to wake up and stand for our Lord God, Jesus Christ, and teaching is right next to pastoring, which by the way is also a desire of my heart and I hope to be called. I just hope that in ten years time, when we meet again for mamak, I can carry head high, knowing like their lives, mine is fulfilling.

Status in society doesn’t really bother me. But, I can imagine; the others will drive in their foreign cars (Volvo for Mark L, Nissan for Daniel, BMW for Glorie, etc) and here I drive in my new second-hand Perodua Viva. We’ll talk about work and when they talk about shares and sales and bookings and membership stats, I’ll be talking about how my classes are doing well, some struggling but the average is B+  to A. when they talk about houses, what new things have they done with it, I’ll tell them I’ve finished building my own couch and now working on an L-shaped sofa.

I know that these things for now are way over-exaggerated, but it most definitely possible. All I can say is I promise myself now, that whether for richer or poorer, win or lose, in glory or humiliation, my praises and trust goes back to the Lord. I promise never to have my wife and kids go hungry, and provide them the best I can get for them.

Pray with me:

Dear God, I am actually scared. Excited, definitely, but scared. You tell me not to worry, and to be a man of faith. So God, I come running to Your open arms. Hold me close as we embark my life together, saving others and grow a generation that will wholeheartedly give you praise. Holy Spirit be my light to go whatever path the Father takes me to, and Jesus You take the wheel of my life, because I cant do anything on my own. I’m so thankful that I always feel Your love and that You are next to me and with me always. So God once again I lay my life of blessings and troubles to Your feet that I may display thy miracles. In Jesus name, Amen.

Verse 1

I see the king of glory

Coming down the clouds with fire

The whole earth shakes, the whole earth shakes

I see His love and mercy

Washing over all our sin

The people sing, the people sing

Chorus

Hosanna, hosanna

Hosanna in the highest

Hosanna, hosanna

Hosanna in the highest

Verse 2

I see a generation

Rising up to take the place

With selfless faith, with selfless faith

I see a new revival

Starting as we pray and seek

We’re on our knees, we’re on our knees

Bridge

Heal my heart and make it clean

Open up my eyes to the things unseen

Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart for what is yours

Everything I am for your kingdom’s cause

As I walk from earth into eternity

Sigh… Instead of reading through my notes one last time, or practicing past year papers, I sit in my new lazy chair (smaller, cheaper), thinking of what could be, might be, and what is.

I think this is a mid-year syndrome for me, because it happens every mid-year. Probably because by every mid-year, I would’ve experience enough new things to keep my mind pre-occupied for the rest of the year. Doors open and close, a new ball game comes by, changes occur, and here I am, just doing as I’m told to, without any personal contentment. Not to mention I HATE changes. Change in my life is like change in the battlefield. When all tactics and plans are done, the terrain change, or the condition change and that means things are back to uncertainty.

I feel like I’m supposed to do something else. That I shouldn’t be studying in university, or shouldn’t be in church, or shouldn’t possess thoughts of someone because I know it wont work; now or later. It sucks, because out of all the things I’m doing, nothing contents me. I’m restless; I’m tired of staying in one place, doing a routine thing. I feel like I should do something different, something impact-full not just in my life, but in others’ lives as well; and I can’t do that while being in uni, or in church or in BB even. I want to literally GO and make disciples of all nations. I want to encourage other Christians and introduce others to Christ. I want to impact the generation of today because I know unlike other generations; this one has a greater power to do something INCREDIBLE for God. Maybe that’s why I felt so fulfilled while I was in Doulos.

The thing is, as much as I loved being in Doulos, I know I won’t be able to live like that for long. As much as the experience is so different everyday and ever-changing, so is living in the ship. Everyday is something new in the routine. As much as I like that, I don’t want so much of it. Why? Because it makes having a wife so hard.

“Mark? Of all people thinking of having a wife? Mark?!” Forgive me for being not what I seem, but I know for sure that I can’t live for long as a single person. I don’t know… the thought of coming to an empty home; having a meal alone, doing my own laundry and not someone else’s as well…. to only talk to a wall about my problems… Now don’t get me wrong guys, as much as I love all of you and I’m around for any of you, I don’t expect you to hear all about my problems and days because you guys will have problems of your own and to most of you, I see you having your own spouse to take care and share with and just be with… and that’s what I want. It’s selfish, I know… because I know it’s hard to have a wife when you wanna work in church and not have a “comfortable” salary. It’s selfish to take someone to live a really humble life because we won’t have the amount to live lavishly. I mean, she might want to go far in life, fulfill her biggest dreams and desires. Plus, with the cost of living and traveling going up slowly… it’ll be hard.

That, I believe, is the biggest turn-off in history… to work in a church for God, thus forgoing all ideas of owning a nice car and house, nice things to wear, really nice food to eat… and the reward of all that, you gotta live with a just enough for a roof over your head, pay the bills and no risks allowed, due to the fact that I wont be able to afford the hospital bill if anything happens. While your friends and church members get to travel far and wide on vacations and trips; while for me, the next time I’ll be going overseas would probably be for a mission trip. Maybe a day or so to see the sights, but most of the time will be in an orphanage or an under-developed village. With that, North America ain’t in the list, as well as Europe,

Australia

and developed nations of Africa and

Asia

. This leaves the under-developed (and more-oftenly dangerous) parts of South East Asia, Asia, South Americas and poverty stricken parts of

Africa

. Places where there are no five-star hotels but five-chicken hotel.  Why chickens? Because chickens isn’t the class but the PRICE of staying there. And you know what the weirdest part is? I WANT THAT!! I WANT IT ALL!!

Now which girl is attracted to THAT?!

Sidetrack a bit: For me to get a date even is a bit hard. Hi, I’m Mark, and I’m a pastor’s kid. With that means, I cant lavish you with nice stuff, a humble life is ahead of me, and I DO wish to follow my dad’s footsteps of being a pastor, so this means I cant get all naughty and do whatever you and I might like, but good clean fun is all I can offer because the other stuff isn’t an option for me. Now, don’t you just love that or what?! Your parents will, but I’m into dating you, not your parents.

So by the sound of what I like and desire in the future, do I want to be a missionary? Maybe… I love helping people in their community, thus making an impact on their lives by showing that Jesus loves them. But before I get so bold, I either want to be a teacher, a pastor, a military servant or a community service worker. Sounds noble? Perhaps. Humble? Maybe. Limited quality of life? YOU BETCHA! And guess what? I can be better off in these careers… you guessed it… single. So if it’s hard to have a wife in these terms, what about kids? Can you imagine if I actually HAVE kids of my own? Now, don’t get me wrong, I love kids. But I think it’s better off for them if I don’t have them myself.

Now I know pastors kids are the most loved kids in the world (self-testimony). But the sacrifices some of the pastors kids have to make is rather hard. Cant have the latest stuff, or go out wherever and whenever they please… I bet now you’re thinking “But Mark, you don’t experience those things right?” That’s probably because before my dad was a pastor, he was a public university lecturer, so now he gets pension besides his church salary. Not to mention my mom is blessed with a job she’s good at and pays well. So yea, I can live a better life, for now. But for MY future? I don’t want to assume that I would be so blessed myself.

So the biggest problems for me is: I don’t know what God wants me to do and I don’t know if that lifestyle is stable enough to have a family of my own.

So what I want to do? I want to do something great for God, experience new things through Him everyday, but I also want to come home to a family of my own. The biggest problems for me is: I don’t know what God wants me to do and I don’t know if that lifestyle is stable enough to have a family of my own. Is it possible? Sure… but there’s sacrifice. So the real questions are: Which girl would be willing to sacrifice so much and what does God want me to do?

Sigh…

Hosanna! Hosanna!

Hosanna in the highest

Hosanna! Hosanna!

Hosanna in the highest

Glory to God

In the highest forever

High and lifted up

Heaven and earth bow before You

My Lord

To those who expressed their concern for me from my last post, i just wanna thank you guys and gals so much. You might not hear this from me so often, cos it’s words i’m not so good in speaking, but I love you guys. You ppl mean a lot to me and i hope you know that.

You know it was so selfish of me to just want to run away from problems… but now we live in a world where exists problems that not only affects out own lives, but the lives of many. In our homes, our schools, our govt system, our nation, our world.

But the scariest of all is that it’s in our church, it’s in out families it’s in our lives. We tend to stand on our own when we should be standing with God’s mercy and love. Our continence should glow with God’s love but in the end we just tend to do things OUR way and not HIS way; which leads to disunity, which leads to individuality. You know some of us could be thinking that what we want to do is also God’s Will but it’s actually not? It’s so hard to make sure, because if it’s God’s Will, it’s a selfless Will, yet if it is, it’ll be your DESIRE.

If you think you’re that type of person, you’re not alone. And let me just warn you… it aint pretty. We need to get back to God, His love, His everlasting arms, His guidance, attain His wisdom, and glorify Him in the end of anything. Cos if it’s our own wants and desires and not His, then God won’t bless it. And you know wat happens if it isn’t wat God desires, and we do it without His blessing.

For tonight i just want to pray… I hope you pray and agree with me and if you do, comment an Amen with me if u can or want to.

Father, I just want to first thank you for being with us despite that we deny You and walked away from You. You are a God of compassion, and without your compassion how else can we stand? Without You, without Your sacrifice, Jesus, we’ll be forever lost in the epitome of darkness. So to Your selfless and incomprehensible faith and love, I lay myself prostrate at Your feet in thanksgiving and awe.

Father I want to pray for families. Not just nuclear families, O Lord, because in Your presence, God, that term does not exist. We are Your children, and You are our Father; therefore i pray for Your family oh God, that we may stay united despite our differences. God that we work your wonders as a family, as a whole body… not just a part, not just a system, but as a whole body; for we are your children, the church is Your wife. So let us be an example amongst others, testifying that YOU ALONE ARE GOD.

Father I pray to see clearer my purpose on this world. I understand we are made on this earth to praise You, to worship You without ceasing. But God, I want to do more. I want to have You take my life and use it for nothing else but to display Your love and guidance. God, that my mouth bring forth Your Word, that my hands bring forth Your work and comfort, that my feet will take me to wherever You want me to go… from rural to the congested, Father You put me where You want me to be. I can’t care anymore. I don’t need to care anymore, because all I care now God, is where You want me to do what, when and how. Why is not necessary, knowing that in the end, Your will, Your desire is fulfilled, that’s sufficient for me.

God that I may be content with You alone. Recently I’ve been having this desire to have a life partner. Someone who love You and doesn’t care where she ends up as long as it is Your desire. I wanted someone to “fulfill me”. But God I realize that if without You first, what’s the point of having a life partner without life? How can a person fulfill me, when I should be fulfilled for her.  So I just give this desire, this personal want to You; that only if it’s Your desire will I pursue. Only when You want me to and You think I’m ready, I’ll take up a wife and love her as You love me.

God, for my stability in life, I lay it all to You. I need not worry where my finance will come from, because You are the Great Provider, and You will care for Your children. Oh God I pray that men and women will take the leap of faith to not worry on where their next meal will come from. I pray that instead they will do what You desire and is pleasing unto You. I pray for a generation of self-less faith desiring and hungry to do GREAT things for You.

Jesus, we Love You… We say it in different tongues and different ways; through ways of service and giving and saying and praying and praising but it all boils down to one point only o God, and that’s WE LOVE YOU!! Be with us o God. Touch our generation and be with us as we walk Your path one step at a time. Holy Spirit, You be our light, and our guide through this life; that it may be a wholsome one, worthy to be living sacrifices and testimonies that will be like sweet incence at the altar of God.

This I pray in your name, Jesus.

Amen

Sigh…. Got my second assignment for microeconomics. I failed it. And the marks from the previous assignment is not enough to even it out…

Right after, I went up the fifth floor and looked down the edge. It was really high. Would’ve definitely died on the spot if i fell head first. I gazed into the unknown in my mind, and the next thing i knew, I blacked out on the stairs. Darkness overcame me, and I journeyed into the very centre of my soul and conscience.

There was a light in the distance. Didn’t see anyone within the light but i heard a voice. He said “If you jump, I won’t take your spirit. You will not be welcomed into my house.”
I said “Lord, why not? Didn’t I live a life that glorified your name? It was a weird one, i know, but didn’t it all end up exalting your name?”
He said “And you can do more. This is just one part of your life. The tip of the iceberg. Live, and I will do great wonders in you.”
“Lord is this the path You want me to take?”
“Do you want to take this path?”
“No, but then again there’s always this pull in my heart to keep trying.”
“If it’s not your will than whose is it? From this path you will possess skills that I can use for your desire and my will.”

The light lessened and I open my eyes. I got up and cried. God, why do you want me to go through this? I hate the corporate world and all it’s lies. I just want to be where You are, in your presence, where I am strong and can do anything you ask me to. Then there was that same voice “In your weakness, I will prevail, and they shall all know that it is not by your own strength, but Mine. You will be My living testimony. So live, and I will be with you always.”

Suddenly I felt so calm, at peace. Knowing that if not now, it’ll be later that God will prevail in my life. Why should I jump just because of one failure, when previously i have done many? I just need to be patient and do my best. I looked back down the edge and thought “God will take me when it’s time. Who am I to play God?”

Sigh…. pray for me… all those who love me, please pray for me…. It’s hard, it’s tough. I just want to quit because it involves the one muscle i don’t use so much… my brain. It’s not in-line with my heart.

Think this is a story? Think again. God’s as real as that.

If you think drill is just about marching up and down a place, well you’re half right… but it’s just half of it. Been watching video after video on YouTube recently, and all I can say is… I WANNA DO EM ALL!!! Formation, color guard, trooping, memorial, wedding…

Anyways, here’re some videos of some drill… Now don’t look at it negatively… these are actually rather fun

Let’s start with a joke:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25Qhbdijv5Y

And here’s HARDCORE:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHfANQcN8_0

Oh…a few things you gotta know.

1. Posting on both Xanga and Friendster…. Same same stuff… but i thought i’d make my blogs more open to others who are just so lifeless they end up reading MY blog… Oh, don’t worry, i know how you fee and i love you guys too!

2. About my position in the army, i got promoted before i went on study resignation, so guess the rank.

3. I haven’t been writing any sentimental pieces or scripture pieces recently, simply because i have too much to say, to the point i dont even know what to say.

Have you guys had that? A time when you have so much to think and say that you dont know what to say anymore? I’m almost emotionally drain because of all these questions in my head, plus university isnt helping either. For me, it’s more about my personal conviction and reassurance of faith.

It’s kinda big thing, but the thing is, only time can answer them. Would like to talk about them, if anyone has the time to hear lah… but frankly i dont even have time for myself to think thoroughly, which makes things more frustrating.

Sigh… pray for me. I admit that i’m not worthy to be at the top of anyone’s prayer list, but i need help. i need friends to intercess for me… i’m just lost, at crossroads, and in doubt of things.

Interesting eh? Here’s mark tan, normally full of pompus and such a pain in the ass he should know what he’s doing all the way eh? Well, put it this way, every man will face his Waterloo.

God bless.

If u have time, best of luck to ya:

http://www.truefriendtest.com/friendtest/343970

Check your scores:

http://www.truefriendtest.com/scoreboard/343970

Haih… U noe? Valentine’s shudn get me, becos i’m not hooked to anyone, nor am i mentally plannin to do so.

"It’s wrong for me to be in a relationship now. I mean, i’m goin off to Aus in 2009 (that’s rite ppl, not this yr, nor next yr), i got too much at my plate now. i dun think i have much time left for her. Plus she seems to be really busy with other matters. Will she have time for me, or try to have time for me as i try to make for her? Let’s not burden her with such details"
-Mark’s small brain thinkin (if any)-

But not so far south:

"I should put some things aside to give her more of my time. I should make more an effort to ensure every spare moment i got can be given to her. It may not last long, but let it last as long as it can. Doesnt matter how much she gives, as long as u try."
-Mark’s heart (like i said, NOT SO FAR SOUTH!)-

But what does God say about this?

4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part. 10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.
11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.
13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love. -1 Corinthians 13:4-13-

Verse 4-7:
In short love does not move for itself, but for others. As i have said before love is an action, not just a feeling, love should not do things for him/her own benefit. More rather the opposite. It does things for others without thinkin of profiting for itself. it hopes for the best, but it puts others the top priority in the best. cos it’s contented when others are well, though u are not.

Verse 8-10:
Without love, nothing works. U can prophecy, but without love, it’ll just pass-by. U can have the gift of tongues at first, but without love, it will vanish. U can know things, but without love, it will wither away. U can receive a calling, but without love, it will jus be a passing activity that wont last. All things must have love embedded into it in order for it to go through the test of time. Otherwise, it wont take effect, it wont stand, it jus simply wont last.

Verse 11-12:
Our perspective of love will change to meet ur age, experience, and understanding. When u were younger, u thought when ur parents just give u things, they love u. But when u get older, u understand that even when they scold u, they scold u becos they love u. Like so, one time we look at lovin our partner as giving her everything u got, even if she doesn want it. U care for him/her only to enusre that he/she wud care for u back, even if she really doesn want to.

verse 13:
In everything, have love.

So what does this mean to me?
If i truly love her, i’d have her have me in anyway that she likes, eventhough it doesn mean together. If she needs a friend, i’ll be the best friend she can ever think of. i will go through all levels of hell jus to help her in anything that she asks for. If i know that goin into a relationship with her wont help, then i wont till she’s ready. I’ll let her concerntrate wif watever she needs to do first. and if in de end she sees sum1 else… i will bless it fully. Of course i’ll be F%*#ing pissed, but that’s besides de point. but hei, she’s happy. That’s all i want. That’s all i should want. Painful eh? That’s love for ya peeps.

So…how much do you LOVE HIM/HER? And is GOD in the picture?

Jesus Wept - John 11:35

It’s the shortest verse in the entire Bible, yet it brings forth so much meaning. It’s been going through my head again and again and again. The question is, why did Jesus weep?

Why did he weep when he was going to raise him from the dead? Why did he show that sense of weakness at that time, though able to stand tall n face the cross on Calvary?

JESUS WEPT

So simple, so straightforward… but so deep, so meaningful. This verse symbolizes so many things.

That he loves us

That he would shed a tear when we fall

That he would cry when we die in spirit

That he was also human on earth

That he was human when he made the sacrifice

That he did it all with God’s strength n not his own

That though he is king of kings, he’s personal with each and everyone of us

That our God is someone with feelings

That although He is above all power, He loves us personally… each and everyone of us

You know, no other god in this world has a record that they actually wept when they see their people in trouble. Now, I further cannot understand why idol worshippers worship something that even though is so powerful, has no feelings for their own people. I mean sure, they say they save the world, but they make it as if their duty bounded to. No feelings, it’s all part of the job. This Jesus who we worship today, with these feelings means dat he can feel like not wanting to save us.

He can actually be scared, turn down the duty, and live happily till he’s 120yrs old. Instead, he felt for us sadness that in death we will suffer. JESUS WEPT not because he will be heading to suffer at the cross, but because he saw the suffering we will go through via God’s Judgment and lost in the darkness when we die. He knows it. He sits at the right side of the Father when He gives those judgments, therefore he has been seeing this for over 2000 years.

For all that, Jesus wept.

That, and thousands more… just two simple words, shapes the very foundation of what we believe in. But the most important is…

He loves so much, that instead of just doing something temporary for us (raising from the dead), he went one step further. Instead of claiming back our sacrifices from death, he gave the ultimate sacrifice to death, so that we never have to do it for ourselves ever again.

Jesus wept…

What does this mean for us?

That we have no reason not to love Him back

That we have no reason not to do great things for Him

That we ought to feel for each other as He does for us

That we should cry as well when our beloved brethren fall

That we should cry tears of joy when he comes back

Jesus wept

Thousand things to say from these two simple words… but it leaves without breath and speechless.

It’s really sad to noe n to find that youth have the tendency not to fast. Are their lives so perfect tht they need not or never felt the urge to fast n pray over sumthin? Have u ever considered fasting for something u want so bad, or u were just at a time that u don’t know many things abt ur life till u desperately seek God in such a way?

U noe, I oso find dat pastors don’t share about fasting often enough, and not just the significance of fasting, but how to fast, when to fast, why to fast, and how that there is more than one way than just fasting ur lunch? Plus the sheer fundamental fact that fasting is so basic that it’s jus rite after praying and even BEFORE baptism? I wonder who actually learned to fast before he got baptized. Not many nowadays I think, because fasting seems like sumthin only Muslims do. But, believe it or not, fasting was key to EVERY single prophet, apostle, disciple, patriarch, martyr, to not only in the bible, but in the entire history of the world till today.

So why do we fast? Like the Muslims, when we fast, we remind ourselves of God, and how He should be a part of our lives like the meal we missed in the afternoon. U see, when we abstain from sumthin that takes a lot of our time, we remind ourselves why we fast, and then we dedicate it to God. Most people, like Catholics n Muslims, fast at a certain time for the sake of dedicating it to God. This is a noble thing. It enriches your soul, gets u closer to God. Why? Because u are spending more time than normal committing urself to God, and to seek Him even more.

But did u noe that u can fast not just ur food, n not just to get to God? For example, I fast from meat because I find pleasure in eating meat, sumtimes even three square meals. SO everytime I abstain from it, I remind myself why and I dedicate it to God. More recently since a while ago, I have been praying and fasting for Paul Tan, if u dunno who is he and why am I fasting n prayin for him, check him out at http://ycblogpot.blogspot.com/.

Now I’ve been fasting since mid January and I plan to keep this up till February 16, and after CNY even, I hope to fast more often. Why? Let’s just say, there is much I want to bring up to God. I’m startin university this year, I hope to be more dedicated to the Boys’ Brigade beyond my company, I want to be more active in church, and when I look at my calendar for this year, it’s hectic already even before I go to uni, and every activity and event I look at this year, I just want to give all glory to God.

I also believe this year is a year that God is going to move more mightily than ever before. I believe that He will display His wonders through those who seek for it, and by God’s will I want to be part of that. I believe that God will break down the walls of limitations like He did to the walls of Jericho. But in the beginning we gotta want it. We gotta want it bad. Otherwise, u’ll jus miss it.

So I challenge you… all those who are reading, to fast for a while. Doesn’t have to be food. In fact, I challenge you to fast from playing computer games or Playstation, from going into any cyber-cafe or playing anything digital. Because I think to some, u spend more time doing that than to even study and eat ur meals combined. So, here’s a challenge. Instead of playing with the computer, get on ur knees and pray, read ur bible, get closer to God.

Another good one is abstinence from mamak. This I think is to the older youth like myself. Instead of going to a mamak session, go to a friend’s place, open a pot of tea and fellowship and share a common reason to fast in this manner.

Also don’t just fast a period a year. Have a few periods, continue to hunger for God and His voice, touch and guidance.

“Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.” -Revelations 3:20-

So… is this what u want? Then take the challenge, as little as a day to a week, to a month. Get hungry to hunger for God this year… because He’s going to move the mountains, and break the walls. Wanna be part of that? Take the challenge, and lemme noe when u do.

What do you have?

It’s pass 1am, going to 2. And instead of sleepin, here I am writin out sumthin I believe everyone from YC Camp will be bored of this post. Y? becos it’s from Pastor Andrew’s first session.

The one thing I believe that has impacted me and made me think of serving differently was when he said “God wont ask wat do u need to serve Him, but wat do u HAVE? U dun need talent to serve God, talent is a gift from God. To some of u, all u need is

ur

car n driver’s license, and wadya noe? It’s an opportunity to serve God, by carpooling with those who cant make it to church because of transport.”

This has convicted me because I have always thought u need to have something or rather for God to use. I didn’t know that it would be something so simple. Then I start to think… now what reason do we have for not serving God? I hear people saying I have no chance to serve God. It’s like saying that there are no jobs at all available for me.

U noe, Malaysians keep on complaining that there aren’t enough jobs for Malaysians, because we are giving them all to foreigners. Have u ever thought that the jobs were there for Malaysians in the beginning, only we are too choosy for jobs like those? Same thing we can say about ministry and serving opportunities. “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few.” LABORERS. God didn’t specify the planters, or the scythe-men, or the watermen. God said laborers, meanin to say that every department of reaping the great harvest are lacking of ppl. The opportunities to serve are open to you. The question is that do we choose any of those?

You know, we don’t give enough credit to garbage collectors? Can you imagine walkin all over a housing area doing nothing but picking up some of the most disgusting things in the world EVERYDAY? Not to mention they don’t get paid much. The fact is that if ever the garbage collectors ever stop doing their job, our country will be at a stand-still on our own filth. We wont be able to work because the garbage from us just starts stinking real bad, we fall sick, de black plague comes again, and we all die of our own waste. And if you think that’s bad, what about sewage plumbers?

Now what am I saying? Never ever underestimate the little things you do. Because a little goes a long way.

“The horse-shoe breaks, the horse cannot run, the messenger cannot be sent, the message cannot be given, the general didn’t know how to act, the battle is lost” -Zen

Yamagata

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So in the end, God doesn’t ask what do u need, but wat do u have? God asked Moses, Elisha asked the female who owed debt, Jesus asked His disciples. Moses only had a staff, but with that staff God moved a nation, made history and saved His people. With the jar of oil the lady had, God let it be never empty to fill up other jugs, till the point that after selling all the oil, she paid her debt and saved her son, that she put as collateral. Jesus just used the five loaves and two fish of a child, and fed the hungry 5,000 with leftovers to spare!! What made it so powerful is that they are willing to give it to God to make it a wonder that glorifies Him.

So what do you have? A laptop and some knowledge of Microsoft Office? U can write articles, use the laptop to display lyrics for worship, write minutes, the list goes on. What about being fluent in more than one language? I was used in Kuantan to interpret to Malay to share to the Orang Asing. You can do that for people like me who doesn’t know Mandarin or Thai, or other languages. What about just having a blog like mine? You can either just write about what happened today, or about how God moved you today. You will never know who’s reading your posts. What if you have too much to eat in your lunch pack? Share with someone who’s hungry, and while u’re sharing food, share your faith. What about the simple ability to listen? You in my opinion are the most important, because you can actually change the choice of a suicidal, or a depressed person, or to a friend who are just bummed out and feel useless.

So, my questions are….

What do you have? And are you willing to give it to God for His glory?