My Blog

Haih… things came and went so fast when I left to go to Doulos. Sometimes I wish I didn’t go…

To my Steppers, take no offence… I LOVED everyminute we had together. It was really the sabbatical I needed from my normal routine. But, after seeing the end result of me being absent for 2 months, I wonder whether I shudve been around when my second liner was taking over my posts.

God, I pray for patience and guidance. I need to know what is it that you want me to learn from seeing all these problems not resolved, but intensified.

I have in my house, a FULL UNIFORM, with badges, haversack anf belt intact, and I have to babysit it. No one dares to come up and claim it, and no one dares to take responsibility. They odnt care if the total cost of the uniform is RM200over, they rather lose their parents’ money than their own face. I also had to take back so many uniform parts, that I couldve opened up a BB Shop. No one dares to pick em up. They don’t mind buying again.

Then on Saturday, when I went to BB for the first time in two months, I nearly teared when I saw the store room in shambles, and everything was everywhere except where they should be. They didn’t even nocited that around RM1000 over in equipment was missing. The pike, anchor finial, casing and carrier were left with another officer for over 2 months already, and they didn’t notice till I told them. The canes, sashes and cords are still missing, and I have been looking high and low for them. Basically where they took the flag from is where the rest of the equipment will be, because that’s where I put them. Before I left. No one knows where it is, even till now.

And their drill, oh Lord teach me patience. I dare not even begin to start.

I teared and I ranted. Went back home and shadow sparred till I had no more breath, and yet I still had the strength to whimper and cry a little. Is there anyone else who feels the same for his/her own company besides the ones I know? I am talking about every single member in a company. These things in handling equipment, keeping the simple basics of drill, taking care of YOUR OWN UNIFORM, and I was told it was all under control.

“But you’re Mark Tan. No one can be as good as you.” This is a standard reply everytime I ask if I can do it, why cant they. I promise you this. The next person who says this sentence will be slapped by me personally. I don’t care anymore whether I get kicked by your parents, suspended, even dismissed in complete dishonor for that. I am Mark Tan, that is true. But, I am also human. It’s not easier for me to do things. I have no super-powers that helps me do things better in BB. The only two things I have that I give credit for are these. I have the strength from Jesus, because I believe everything I do in BB, all glory is given unto Him, who keeps me standing when I fall. Second thing is that I have more heart in BB to glorify God.

Why do people waste their heart space (and money) on things like football, cyber cafés and spending countless hours on the computer at home. They all tell me they still love Jesus, but they spend more time (and money) on these things than praying, doing their own devotion time, even worshiping Him. They take less time in doing the work of the Almighty or even spending time with Him than CC or watching football.

Now, people, don’t get me wrong. I like football. But, to pay RM200 over for a shirt

? RM70 over for a scarf? Why do you buy a scarf in MALAYSIA!!! “Oh, it’s original. Oh, it’s to support the team.” SO? I have a shirt, made of original cotton. RM12 bucks only. Support the team? They get supported enough by just the shirt, or just by watching the game and purchasing things that sponsors those clubs (Carlsberg for Liverpool, Fly Emirates for Chelsea, etc)

What skills do u learn in playing CC? do you learn how to shoot a gun? U sure? I pass you the gun I would like to see you try. Why do you even want to know how to shoot a gun. You know how to shoot a gun is one thing, but can you?

What about healthwise Do you train you eye muscles to look at the screen for longer periods of time. I tell you, you will be wearing glasses three to four times thicker than your grampa. Do you lose weight putting your @$$ on the chair and moving your fingers all over the keyboard? In, fact you don’t even put all over the keyboard don’t you? You just use certain keys to do the actions. Do you know what it means to actually die? I tell you, you try and restart yourself when you get shot in the head.

Where does the money you pay the CC go to? Does it go to a charity, a church? Does it even go to the parents of the tai-lows of the CCs? No… it goes into their pockets in the form of cold hard cash, ciggarettes, drugs, loan-shark investments, and opening their business even futher to take more money from little kids who don’t make their own.

………………………….

Just thinking about these “Christians” spending time, and their parents’ money on things like this, make me tear in despair. There is a calling fo missions for the unreached. But there is also a cry for repent and renewance at home. Oh God… only by Your Strength can we stand against temptations.

“It’s hard.” They all say this. Sure, it’s hard. It’s hard to stand on your own doing your own thing, taking the first step in changing lifestyle. But, how about this? If your friends change the same as you, would it be difficult. When the way you  use your life, inspires and changes another, isnt that a greater reward than getting the highest points in a useless game? Isnt it better to serve someone who knows you  by name, and know everything that you do instead of supporting the current EFL Champions who wont even know where u come from?

“I lift my eyes to the hills, where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord, Maker of heaven and earth.”

-Psalm 121: 1,2-

God save us all,

Mark Tan

Well, for an officially unemployed fella (no point getting a job since my ministry work will be starting on and off soon), my weekend started on Friday.

Friday: Very Doulos Day.

I woke up at 0730hrs to have breakfast (cereal, toast and coffee), then I went to have some devotion time. Then at 0900, I went to purchase some wood finish, a brush some thinner and sandpaper. Then I got back to touch up the balcony, a.k.a. re-shellacking my wooden balcony… Not hard, Just tricky as I had to hang over the outside of the balcony with NO safety harness (Drew would’ve killed me) and I was at it till lunch.

At lunch I didn’t bother going out, so I had sandwiches and salad with apple juice. After lunch, I had to scrub the floors, clean my room, and take out the garbage. Finished all this by 1500.

Now when all of that was done, I got bored. So… nobody knew I learned this on Doulos… I decided to bake Zopf!!! Hehe, I bet no one but Miss Switzerland would know what is that. Zopf is the Sunday bread we eat every Sunday. It took me five hours to bake the two loaves and it didn’t come out as well. But for a first timer doing it alone, it wasn’t bad at all. The look isn’t as pretty, but the taste was just as nice. I had some of the Zopf with sunny-side-up eggs, bacon, fried tomatoes and a glass of milk. Then after doing the dishes I went to listen to some music and red my bible… It was then I realized, when put into the rite places, I had a really Doulos day, and I enjoyed it immensely.

The only things missing were the vitals that made it feel really Doulos. Of course the first thing was the ship. But to me, if I was put in a barracks and had the same experience as I had onboard Doulos, it wouldn’t matter. The more important part is….. YOU GUYS… I miss each and every one of you and I been praying for you guys that we can meet in time to come, hopefully sooner than before we meet our Lord.

Saturday: a full Boys’ Brigade Day.

Now my company meets every Saturday morning from eight am till one in the afternoon. The day begins with a military style of roll-call and opening parade. Here we sing our national anthem and brigade anthem, word of prayer by our captain or chaplain (whoever is available), hear the announcements for the day and fall out. When all that is over, we will have chapel and bible study, then we will go and have foot-drill session, then badgework and marching band practice. We end the day with closing parade, where we say our prayers, sing the closing hymn, receive benediction and dismiss.

But for me, the day wasn’t over…

I had to go over to another company where they meet in the afternoon, to help assess their members’ standard of foot-drill. I joined in their meeting which was from 2pm till 6.30pm. After that, the officers and Non-commissioned officers (Lance-Corporal to Staff Sergeant) invited me to join em for mamak session. So we went, ate and chat till 10.30pm. I finally touched home at 1045pm, giving my outing a new record of 15hours and 15minutes.

What a day it was… nothing like a full day in my most favorite ministry. U noe, while on the ship, that was the only thing I truly missed. Sure, I pray for it ad talk about it to others to calm me down, but there’s nothing like getting back into your day dress blues with a fresh perspective on doing things from doulos.

Have any of you guys had one of those days? Those days where whatever you did that day gave you a good memory or a fantastic high, no matter how tired you were in the end? I mean, when I was shellacking the balcony, baking bread, scrubbing the floor, doing the dishes, doing my laundry, my mind gets filled with countless memories that sometimes bring me to tears. When I got back from that full day of BB, I was aching all over. But, I didn’t feel tired. I was happy. Why? Because the days I been missing since I came onboard the ship finally was satisfied beyond measure.

6 Blessed be the LORD,
         Because He has heard the voice of my supplications!
7 The LORD is my strength and my shield;
         My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped;
         Therefore my heart greatly rejoices,
         And with my song I will praise Him.

-Psalm28: 6-7-

I hope you guys will experience one of these days that I have experienced. It is both enriching, touching, and refreshing.

God Bless,

Mark Tan

After a week of re-cooperating, it’s time for me to get my lazy-@$$ off my bed and get it on the chair in front of my comp and start posting abt my experiences onboard de ship (with my fingers of course, not my @$$) It’s not easy for me to summarise 2 months of countless new experiences into one post, and i do apologize for not writing more often, but the ship doesnt have normal internet. We have our own database and i get s specific email to send and receive email. But when i was onboard, i cannot go online in MSN, cant surf web. So forgive me if this post doesnt manage to tell u anything u expected.

I think i will start with my work. While onboard, i was a deckhand, which means i do general maintenance all over the ship, except for anything that requires specific skills like welding, electrical or mechanical. But even after that, it was still so much fun. One time i could be scrubbing the deck in the morning, or i could be hanging on the funnel (chimney for those who arent sailor savvy), scraping the old paint to paint new layers.

But i daresay, when i was onboard, i was blessed with the chance to do EVERYTHING a deckhand can do onboard. i was a fireman for a while, then i was a waterman (person who checks on the drinking water of the ship, and checks the water tanks that balances the ship), then i was a security guard, then a fire-rounds man (a person who checks for fire and trespassers onboard de ship at night, from 11pm-7am). I loved my job. I wouldnt trade my job for anything. Becos for the other depts, they either stay in one spot (e.g. engine room or kitchen) or they only work inside the ship.

Aside the work experience, we were given opportunities to evangelize and encourage one day a week or more, called E-Days. One day a week, I get to go with a bunch of other Douloids and share the word of God to others, or perhaps go and encourage a church in the city. Every E-day is different. One day I could be sharing in front of a youth group, another time I could be getting down and dirty while helping out building a house or something, and another time I could be wearing a tie and preaching in a church.

So what have I learned from this experience onboard? I have come down on my knees before God and I begged Him to bless me with something I can do to advance His Kingdom. He has blessed me with what I asked, and I hope to do it well. It’ll be a long process to get to where I was told to by God. But, by His grace I will make it.

Please pray for me. The blessing is also a great task which I am willing to dedicate my life to. I need guidance. I need wisdom. I need help. If you guys wanna know what I have been blessed/assigned with, come by me and I am willing to share.

In the meantime if you have time, about 3 months after college (u gotta be at least 18) or something, I encourage you to take the step of participating in a STEP. It’ll be tough, but it’ll be tremendously rewarding. I got a couple of gigs of photos to show around. If u have time, then by all means please mamak with me and I’ll show em and share with you.

Aunty: Wah, you look so different now
Me: no lah aunty, not so much…

i cant believe i lied.

the truth of the matter is that i believe each and every one of us have changed one way or another. to me, my entire lifestyle changed, and it has become a bit of a problem now.

I have no more patience for desk jobs. I now like to move around, learn a trade, not sitting behind a desk and looking at papers or a computer screen. I now have an itch to move round, fix things, even doing some painting. To some people, especially staying in Europe, that kind of lifestyle is quite a good one. But, it isnt really in Malaysia.

In Malaysia, rough-workers and blue collared workers do not get paid as much as in western countries. Labour of such is cheap. with the benchmark for the average Joe is around RM4.50 and hour. That would be 1Euro an hour. i ask you… how to survive alone, let alone if i wish to get married and have kids.

But, I believe God will provide, and i believe even now, he is giving me opportunities. Earlier before i left for Doulos, I was told by my parents not to pick up psychology. they found no prospect in Malaysia besides perhaps a school councellor, who are the ones who gets beaten up a lot by the truant students here. But i prayed when i was onboard, and the Lord open the way for me. I now have the option of studying psychology, with my parents’ blessing.

The deal is now i learn psychology, and with it i go intoyouth development, and leaderhsip training for the youth/ adolescent. it’s always been a dream of mine to make grat leaders from the youth today. the only thing is that in malaysia, programs like that arent really looked up well by the community, because, admittably, the programs now provided sucks. Therefore i hope to be able to outshine the competition, and change the mindset of Malaysians here.

Please pray for me. In all of this i need God’s guidance and wisdom. I hope to be able build the youth of today, to become great leaders for Christ for the future. the undertaking will be tough, it’ll be criticized, but if all pays up… it’ll be rewarding and most impacting.

"Your servant is here among the people You have chosen, a great people, too numerous to count or number. so give Your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong. For who is able to govern this great people of Yours?"
-1 Kings 3:8-9-

Mark Tan